I tried a 2-D printer once, and the paper jammed.

So now I just painstakingly re-create my paper copies by hand, like a medieval monk.

i tried using paper, but the edges crumpled

so now i just chisel my commandments into stone, like old testament god

i tried carving in stone, but the chisel chipped

so now I preserve my history and law in oral tradition through generations of trained storytellers

I tried storytelling, but I developed a stutter. So now I simply point at things and grunt, like cavemen before the invention of language.

I tried pointing at things and grunting but my finger is crooked so now I just secrete pheromones like our animal ancestors.

(Reblogged from derekzane)

It’s hard to find what to post when posting has been so infrequent

Though not much has changed in my life over the past two years. I changed companies, have climbed in position (though that part is meaningless in the overall context—money comes in an exchange of sweat, stress and less job security) and developed a greater breadth of skill, I still only work and sleep. At many points in time my head tilts back in a tense meditation as I wonder what I’m working toward.

One small trifle that may ease my concern is an immature love of wearing that one perfect watch. The perfect watch isn’t the same for everyone, of course. Some look good in a thin, delicate thing complete with gold and lace, but my perfect watch needs to have a rougher touch to it. Heavy. Steel. Something that almost looks as though it’s noisy.

I’ve narrowed it down to two watches:

The first watch doesn’t have a date function, which is almost a mortal sin. It gets a special papal dispensation for the ridiculous beauty of its face. It almost begs a comparison to Sinead O’Connor’s shaved head circa 1988, but that would be a stretch, so I won’t try to do it…oh…well, it’s like that.

The second watch, although handsome, lacks a certain dinginess that endears places and objects to me. It’s bordering on being too clean and too mechanical. Something six months of wear may hopefully change. A ding here, a scrape there and it may end up looking alright.

For more advanced players, the first is a 2824 movement, and the second a calibre 17, which is based on the 2824, though reworked. I don’t quite understand all that mumbo-jumbo, but they both tell time (from what the manufacturers seem to say). 

Which does it for you more? Red or Blue?

It’s a worthy half hour watch.

The kid has a good mind.

And now you know a little more about how New Hampshirites think.

(Reblogged from redlemur)

It’s a wee bit blustery in New Hampshire.


Lol could you even imagine though?

Well, now we know who holds the record for the world’s biggest shit in their pants.

(Source: entropybegets)

(Reblogged from brittawithnofilter)


No words. Those were the grounds upon which he was master.

One of my favorite experiences is watching these videos. They make me choke up, which should be sufficient to have me avoid them to some degree, but the experience has a purity that is refreshing. Emotions are weird.

Sorry Torontoans (Torontoites? Torotomen? Torontotontos?)



Ham Upgrade




I just bought some delicious potato and leek soup. The guy behind the jump told me to pay the extra $n and have their ‘ham upgrade’.

I had the ham upgrade. 

Ham upgrade should be a thing available all the time. Whatever you were going to have, plus a fucking big bunch of ham.

Ham upgrade.


I’m now picturing Beyonce singing “Upgrade” but with ham.

"Hmm…Business class? Nah, I’ll just take the ham upgrade, thanks."

(Reblogged from jewlesthemagnificent)
Get your malodorous prehensile paws off me, you damned bedraggled primate.
Cosmonaut George Taylor


I now have my entire DNA sequence in an excel file. I feel like Buck Rogers.

My genetic heritage is as expected: I’m Irish as Irish gets. 

I may give some details later—it’s very neat to see the paths that my ancestors took to reach Ireland, but I’m slightly disappointed by the vagueness. Being a geek, I like to zoom in on things that interest me. Look for data to gather from it. Do stats and look for stories in the numbers. I want so badly to be able to click somewhere and see a film of my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather bitching about one thing or another and see my  great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandmother roll her eyes at him. I want to see how they lived and what their shoes looked like. 

Well, that’s not possible so I have to just be satisfied with the tiny bit of info I did get. It’s still amazing to think that it’s available. Just think of what we’ll be able to order in 200 years. 

On Behalf of All Bostonians


I would like to apologize to those of you who have tuned in to these nationally broadcast press conferences these last few days and tried to decipher the mumblings of Mayor Tom Menino.

We don’t know what he’s saying, either.

I can understand him. He said:

"Boston police and the Boston police and the various agencies involved in the apprehension of the Boston police and the Boston police and the suspect. I’d like to thank the law enforcement"

I think.

(Reblogged from cwj)

Two guys in custody in Boston

After a car chase gunfight with possible bombs.

You need more than guns to get out of Boston, dirtbags.

Here’s hoping it’s THE suspects.